I was listening to a podcast of a sermon the other day about marriage. I think it is a 4 part series on Godly marriages, but this week it was titled Best Friends. Well, something like that. The point of the sermon was that in a godly marriage format, your spouse should be your best friend. I wonder how often that really happens. At the start of the marriage that is.
It took me several years before I got to the point where I could honestly say my wife was my best friend. I could say it, but I was so closed off that there is no way it was true. I didn’t have many friends at that time, so I guess she could have been the best of what I had, but it wasn’t the type of relationship you would expect to be lableled as a best friend relationship. I honestly wanted my marriage to succeed, but I had no idea how to make that happen. My parents divorced early on and I remember those fights somewhat vividly. I never wanted that to happen in my life, so my thought was that I would take blame for any problem in the relationship or I would lie to try and avoid conflict. Not the best tactics to a honest and caring relationship. My desires were in the right place, but the execution failed miserably. Add that to the fact that I was emotionally closed off from bad relationships and divorce should have been assured.
What I did was more of a defense mechanism to protect myself from being hurt, but I was hurting her and driving her away in the process. I was destroying any chance of her being able to trust me by trying to protect myself. We finally came to a point where it was either change to divorce. I swore I would never be divorced, because I didn’t want to be like my parents, so we stayed up all night talking, crying and yelling. Not always in that order. I prayed the entire night for guidance and help. I didn’t want to lose my wife and I didn’t want to be miserable either. Thank God for providing me with such an amazing woman. She was able to get me to trust her enough to open up about my feelings.
We are now at a place where we can be honest about what we feel even if the other persons feelings might get hurt. We don’t say hurtful things out of spite, but in an attempt to bring healing and resolve conflict. We are both able to express past hurts and give each other the compassion we missed out on growning up. I am honestly closer to her than I have ever been to another human. It is such an amazing place to be at and I wouldn’t change the process for anything.
Not sure how many people really start out being best friends, but if the relationship is built on openness and honesty, there is no way it wont end up being there.
The podcast was put out by Trinity Fellowship Church in case you are in the mood to listen to it.