I told my wife this weekend that I do not feel holy. I guess the better description is that lately I do not feel that close to God.
It happens from time to time for most people. For myself, I feel somewhat depressed when it happens. I feel that loss and not really sure what it is, until I stop and notice that I have continued on living my life without really walking with God during the process. It is easy to do as life seems hectic and if you start focusing on it rather than God, there is that tendency to move away from Him.
I think I finally came to the realization as I have been more critical of a Christian lately than I normally would be. This person preaches and speaks holiness, but has a disregard in certain areas. Anti abortion and pornography, but doesn’t think it is wrong when they played a role in a marriage ending. For me, this type of hypocrisy bothers me, but often the things you hate most in others are the traits that you share.
So looking back at where I have become a hypocrite myself, I have seen several areas that need work. I have noticed that I have allowed more profanity around me and by such have picked up the using it more frequently. I have not been quick to step away from co-workers showing dirty pictures, so I have compromised myself there. I have allowed anger a foothold in my life. You should hear me when driving in the morning. I have not taken a stance against someone’s prescription pill abuse and have even contributed to the problem. I have had lustful thoughts about a woman and that is adultery of the heart.
When I allowed that first area of compromise in, it set the stage for a continual progression of areas in which I allowed myself to give into what I know to be wrong. I have prayed and asked forgiveness and am now being more alert to the areas in order to avoid future compromises. What bothers me, is that due to my poor choices, I have allowed the testimony of my Christian life to be compromised. Maybe that is the goal though.
What bothered me the most with the Christian friend is that they refuse to acknowledge their role in what is sinful. I would not have the issue if they were able to say they were wrong in what happened and regretted it. That will not happen, because they love their new relationship, so that stigma will always be there for all who know about what happened.
Thinking about it though, has the church done itself a great disservice by trying to take the moral high road? We know we are sinners going into Christianity and that we will sin again. So why then, do we act on moral superiority? I know church people now that still try to claim that atheist, agnostics, homosexuals, pagans, and the lot are immoral and corrupted but evil. The problem with that is that the people usually being convicted of immorality are more moral than the church people. The people of the church like to put on their clean church suits, but they are filthy behind closed doors. Why not just change the message that Jesus didn’t come to make me a better and more moral person, as that is not the message.
Doesn’t confessing my sins and failures show that Christianity is not here to make your life perfect? The Christian will not have a perfect life according to the world in which we live. We will still deal with money and health issues. We will be isolated from people because of our views and we will struggle and fail in those weak areas of our lives in which we have not turned over to God. Worshipping God is not about getting a better life, it is about a new life and that new life will be in direct conflict with the world around us the majority of the time.
I have confessed my sins to God and have turned back toward Him. I am praying more and reading scripture more as He did not reject me for my weaknesses.
If we say that we share in life with God and keep on living in the dark, we are lying and are not living by the truth. But if we live in the light, as God does, we share in life with each other. And the blood of his Son Jesus washes all our sins away. If we say that we have not sinned, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth isn’t in our hearts. But if we confess our sins to God, he can always be trusted to forgive us and take our sins away. (1Jn 1:6-9)