I think it was about two years ago that a friend of mine told me he and his wife were having issues. I knew he was not happy as we both vented to each other stresses we were having in our respective marriages.
My wife and I have gone through patches where we were withdrawn from each other. It is one of the downsides of going into a relationship with unresolved baggage. I do not consider divorce an option as my parents are divorced and I was never going to be like them. Not the most healthy approach, but I am stubborn at times. Several years ago, I started talking to a co-worker about her marriage problems. She and her husband had major issues and they could not fix them. She was trying to date another one of our co-workers at the time, so I never had a physical affair with her, but there was an emotional attachment that formed. I was feeling closed off from my wife, so those emotions were redirected at this person. Luckily a mutual friend confronted me about the emotional affair that I was in and that was the beginning of the end of that. I know from first hand experience how emotionally connected you can become to someone other than spouse when the marriage is not working. This is true of all relationships, but the topic is marriage so that is what I am addressing. Well, I felt convicted and made more of an effort to reconnect with my wife. It is amazing how similar both people can feel in a marriage when something is wrong. Lack of communication is really detrimental to the relationship.
When my friend and I were talking, I had a feeling that he had fallen into the same trap. He had reconnected with an old high school friend and I warned him of the possibilities of the emotional affair. He was feeling so neglected that he chose to disregard and the two developed feelings. Both of them were in unhealthy marriages at the time, so they easily became each other’s emotional support. When my friend told me he wanted to file for divorce I was bothered. I suggested counseling and even gave advice, but his mind was pretty much made up. He and his wife did try counseling, but it was not working as he was angry and emotionally involved with another woman. For me as well as many others, this is the same as cheating. He went ahead and followed through with the divorce which was awkward, all the while he was still with this girl. They had sex before both were divorced and still together now.
This is where I tell you why I am writing this. His new girlfriend is a fanatical Christian. She has a passion for God and will stand up to attacks over her stance on abortion and slavery. She refuses to watch any shows were she feels women are being objectified as a sex object or where the language is coarse. She has some really admirable convictions, yet she refuses to see how her relationship with my friend never should have taken place. The hypocrisy.
I feel such aggravation when I see her on facebook talking about how God brought this man to her. As a Christian she should know Jesus said divorce only when adultery was committed. Since she was part of the act of adultery, it really is not what God was planning is it? Am I missing something other than that God can redeem all things? She is still unapologetic about her role because she is happy with her man. If it got out as to what had happened, it would really tear up her testimony, so I have not said anything in a public forum, partly because it would hurt my friend. The other part is that I started on that path and I feel somewhat hypocritical in holding that standard to them.
This is a problem among Christians now. I keep thinking about the do not judge line and am I the best one to point out their sin. What about Peter though? Didn’t he openly reject Christ and then was restored to lead the church in Jerusalem? So, but his own example, we can fall and still hold others to the standard that they profess in Christ. I think my hardest part of this is the reflection of my sin through them. I know that I did not physically cheat on my wife, but that doesn’t make a difference to her. It was an affair of the most intimate part of our marriage so I get the constant reminder of my flaws. Now I try not to let the conviction get to me, but it is hard. Maybe I have not forgiven myself, but I can not truly justify what I did and I know the standard that I publicly held myself too. I hate failing.