God says to get Married?

I find the number of young Christians that I encounter that truly believe that getting married and having a family is the purpose they have in life to be an interesting phenomenon. When I say young here, I am actually referring to men and women under the age of 40. I suppose that makes young relative, but once you get closer to 40, marriage might be a nice idea but not as much of a necessity.

These youngsters, I am with in this age group so I can say that, seem so lost as they are not getting married right away and feel that something is impeding God’s will. This something is usually called the devil by some, but I think it is a different source that I will address a bit later. There is a determination in them that drives them to find a mate and usually causes them to whine about the delay in their life.

Women make up the majority of this group, but there are men in this group as well. The group is made up of many denominations as well, so it is not just fundies. They come from large cities and smaller towns as well. The demographics for this group is fairly diverse with the exception that they all come from the south. Well, the South and Midwest regions as some come from Ohio, Indiana and one from Michigan.

What gets me is the ideology that these people hold on to that their life is not complete without a mate. Now I am sure, in some of the cases that marriage is in the future for them. Some of them will get tired of waiting and end up settling on their spouse, but they will justify it as the will of God, so it will all work out in the end. Typically, I have found that they usually end up in divorce with the saying that it was not in God’s will for the marriage to last

This is what brings me to the frustration that I am sharing today. Why is it God’s will for someone to get married, but it is not His will for the marriage to work? Why does the Bible say that God hates divorce, but despite that, it’s just not His will for the marriage to work out? We all know that the lack of will comes back to the people getting the divorce. It is not their will to work on the marriage and compromise as to who they are to make a solid “one”. It was most likely not God’s will for the marriage to happen in the first place, but that need to get married was so strong that it confused people as to what the force behind the desire actually was.

Where do these people get the idea that they are supposed to get married and live happy Christian lives? I am not speaking ill of them, but this mentality must be coming from somewhere, right?

To me, this is another case where the church has gotten confused with western culture. The American dream is to get married and have a family and all the stuff that goes along with that story that we have been fed over generations. That is the culture we grew up in. One of the ways we measure our success in life is over our family situation. Until recently, it was odd for men to have not been married and women who never married were seen as a sort of pariah.

Getting married is not our biblical purpose though.

Notice my use of the word “biblical” which makes the sentence more authoritative and factual. The Bible does not really address us and marriage though. Yes, Jesus said a man should cling to a woman and the two fleshes becomes one. Paraphrased, but Jesus never said everyone should go out and get married.

When we are looking at the history of the time frame that the Bible was written over, we see that people got married. Actually, men wanted a wife and struck a deal with the father of a woman and got a bride. She did not have a lot of choice in the matter. Women still do not have a say over it in parts of the world, but this process was one based on culture practices and not the directive of God. God did say go forth and populate the earth (Gen 9:7), but He said that to Noah after wiping out the rest of mankind.

Maybe we are just taking that directive too literally. Are we all supposed to go out and have kids? The earth cannot sustain that type of population build up. As it is, we will exceed the natural production of the earth in less than 30 years, so why do we all need to populate the earth?

Guess it could be to create more Christians, which means more people in heaven, but we all know that kids born to Christian parents are not automatically Christians. Jesus told us to go forth and spread the gospel so people would be saved, so that is more in line with adoption than reproducing. Paul said that we should get married if we were unable to tame the desires of the flesh (i.e. wanting to have sex), but mentioned that it would compromise our relationship with God to some degree. It is hard to be totally focused on God when we are focused on pleasing our partner as well as ourselves.

I think we can agree that the true purpose for the Christian, as well as everyone else even if they refuse to acknowledge it, is to worship God with everything. That is what we are told that God wants right?

So why do we allow western culture take over Christianity? When we are given a way to live and it is laid out pretty clearly, why do we allow the manmade ideas to take over our and become our focus?


Filed under Bible, Christianity, Relationships, Religion

8 responses to “God says to get Married?

  1. persuaded2go

    I so appreciate your thoughts and questions and find that many of them are also my own. Because, as Christians, we are not allowed to have sex outside of marriage, many of these marriages get off to a very early start…before you really know much of anything! Well, that’s a bit of my story anyway. Thanks for sharing this 🙂

    • It is hard to fight society’s view of sex. It is all around us and often forced upon us, so we naturally start to desire it. The easiest way to satisfy the desire is to get married, so it is understandable why so many young Christians do so and then struggle in the relationship.

      Thank you for sharing

  2. I don’t see the problem with marriage to be honest. It’s use has changed, for the better I might add. Once people used to get married for contractual reasons to secure lineages, power, and provide security. Marriage now is about ‘love’ (in the Western sense)…that’s a good thing.

    Is marriage our purpose though? I would like to think raising kids would be very high on the Christian precipice…unfortunately it won’t even make the top 10 of things to do. Why?

    Answer: Christians think the flesh is ‘evil’.

    • Not the flesh, but the ways of the flesh.

      We are not talking about the physical body but rather the desire to satisfy cravings and wants. The flesh is at odds with the spirit because the spirit wants to please God while the flesh wants to please itself.

  3. “The flesh is at odds with the spirit because the spirit wants to please God while the flesh wants to please itself” (Xander)

    That’s nice in theory, but even the spirit wants to satisfy human desire as well…and I really don’t see a differentiation in the flesh to the spirit – they are combined while we are in this body (duly effect one another).

    The spirit, quite the elusive thing, is hard to define. But are we involved in the spiritual aspect of who we are? If so, then so is our ‘ego’. So in some sense the spirit, which involves us, is controlled by our thoughts and mind – which can make this just as ‘bad’ – see jim jones and david koresh.

    • You have a rather gnostic look at things when it comes to the flesh and spirit. Why do you think the spirit wants to satisfy human desires? I am curious as to what the scriptural reference is on this.

  4. “Why do you think the spirit wants to satisfy human desires? I am curious as to what the scriptural reference is on this” (Xander)

    Saul would be a good start. Then some of the Leviticus laws and even Paul’s warning about using spiritual type things (ie: sorcery or whatever he warns about). Well, in these instances it’s humans using their ‘spirituality’ to an end that is not godly. .

    I think Paul’s view of spirituality, about how the flesh is ‘evil’ and the spirit is ‘good’ is kinda weak. The bible does seem to point more towards the idea we, physically, are in charge of what we spiritually do. Which means they would have to be interconnected – like mind, body, spirit, and emotions (which is what I think is more well rounded).

    And this is where marriage comes in – which I think has all 4 quadrants in it – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual…i think it’s a valuable and meaningful endeavor – and all pastors or priests should at least be.

  5. The concept of spirituality does not really match back to the idea of the spirit. When we talk spirit, it is more of a presence of God as compared to an idea of something more out there.

    For Saul, look at 1 Sam 10:8-12. You have Saul being just a man, but when the Spirit of God came upon him, he had a new heart. With 1 Sam 16:12-14 you see that the Spirit of the Lord had left Saul and he was tormented by an evil spirit. We do see that there is a connection between the spirit and the physical body but the spirit was not looking towards the desires of the flesh. Levitcal laws did focus on a physical reaction or action to be in obedience with God, but the focus was on obedience and not the best interest of the physical body. There is not a real physical benefit in not mixing fabric types.

    Paul tells people to avoid sorcery because it is not of the Spirit of God but rather the outward workings of the flesh. Not the physical body, but those desires that are beneath the standard of God. I am personally responsible for what I do, but this is not flesh vs. spirit but person and choice. Paul is really big on trying to show the difference between Spirit, which is the indwelling of God, and flesh, the desires of the fallen person. This is not to say a person cannot do good or have good come from an action that is motivated from the flesh, but it is saying that the spirit, which is God in you, has a more pure desire and purpose that the flesh will never achieve. This is why the flesh can never save us, as it will always be beneath the spirit, which is God.

    Paul has many analogies of the spirit vs. the flesh, but it really comes down to being perfected in God vs. the fallen nature of man.

    When you look at marriage, a person’s first marriage should be between them and God. God jealously wants 100% of you. When you marry, as Jesus described it, the two fleshes become one. This is a symbol of the relationship a person should have with God, but it also tells that each person has to go from 100% of themselves to 100% of the new person they formed and the only way to do that is to let go a part of them. While God blesses marriage, I do not see the marriage itself being the fulfillment of one’s life or the main purpose of that life.

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