I was molested as a child for 2 years. I was 5 when it started and it ended when my parents divorced and I moved away. I did not really grow up in what you would consider a Christian household. I would go to a Baptist church occasionally when I went to visit my dad and we stayed with his family. I learned some songs there, but never heard the gospel. My mom grew up Methodist, but we only attended on the big holidays. In fact, I only remember the outside of that church. When my parents married again, they decided to go to church and be “good” people. I still never heard the gospel or any mention of Jesus. I guess the churches thought you must already know it if you show up and attend. I went through commencement at 13, which was supposed to mean I was accountable for my own salvation. Still had no ideal what salvation was or anything about the cross. The only thing I saw at the church, was the hypocrisy of those who claimed Jesus. I rejected God and was an atheist before I could drive.

I was not a real humanitarian atheist though. I still don’t get the point of wanting to help your fellow man in order to sustain the race. That mindset just did not sit with me. I care about people now, but I really could care less back then. It is hard to articulate the fact that I just could not find a reason to justify it. There was no way I would lay my life down for someone else. Altruism was not even possible for me. And why do it? You might help the human race survive? I doubt I would have made a large enough dent in humanity by caring. Besides, those who would have been lost were the weak and that is the natural order of things. Regardless, I was my own god and in control of my own life.

My issue with it was I could never shake the feeling that there needed to be more out there. Every religion has a some higher power. Agnostics feel like there is something else. I guess when I quit hating God so much, I was opened up to looking for more out there. Not God, or at least the Christian God, but there had to be more out there. I ended up with Wiccan. I have looked at many different religions, but Wicca felt right. It was self empowering and there was a purpose to life. In an attempt to move to be a better person, I started dabbling in guardian angels. I have referred to it as “angelic magic” but it was really about contacting and interacting with spiritual entities. The farther I pursued it, the darker my life had turned. I finally got to a place where I could no longer deny the existence of God.

I am not politically correct nor am I a rank and file conservative. I do not tolerate the hypocrisy from among Christians and will point it out. I will do so in a loving way, but I will not tolerate it in my life. I consider it one of the greatest difficulties faced by the church today. I also do not just believe what I am told and hold it to be true. I want to see it for myself. If I can not come to the same conclusion then I will disagree. I value your opinion and hope to be held accountable for my words and actions.

I tend toward the charismatic movement. I truly believe the gifts of the spirit are still active today. I have seen no reason for them to have stopped other that people denying them. If you deny the Holy Spirit from moving in your life, He is not going to move in your life. That is common sense to me.

I am currently pursuing a degree in Religion from a Baptist University. I read a lot of books on various topics. I feel drawn toward the topic of Soteriology, which is the study of Salvation. I do not think it is understood by the modern church and you will see a lot of my posts reflecting that.


The majority of the verses that I quote here are either from the ESV or ISV Bible. I like the readability of the CEV and NLT and have been using the NET more for daily reading on my phone. I have several printed bibles and always looking for more, but with technology, I end up using the YouVersion Bible for the iPhone most often as well as e-Sword, Logos, and Bible Works software on my computers.


The mission statement for this blog and my personal life is best summed up by Jesus:

Then Jesus came up and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, as you go, disciple all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you each and every day until the end of the age.” (Mat 28:18-20)



As far as posting, I will post what I feel like. Usually it is what God puts on my heart, but more than once I have stepped out on my own and written from my own desires. Feel free to comment. I try not to censor any comments, but will not tolerate for direct attacks on others or myself. No threats of violence and please watch the language. If I feel like the discussion can go no further because of an unwillingness to give, then I will stop it and withdraw. No need in arguing with a fool. I might be the fool, so don’t take it personal.

4 thoughts on “About

  1. “I guess the churches thought you must already know it if you show up and attend.” I think this is the great tragedy of the Christian church today, that the Gospel is not preached. I am blessed to attend a church where it is preached on a regular basis, and each time I hear it is seems new and fresh. Your whole “about” description of yourself reminded me of something I read in a comment to another blogger’s post a few months ago. “The man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with a theory.” When you truly experience God, no one else’s theories or ideas about religion can change that experience. Peace, Linda

  2. Hi

    I like what I’ve read here your struggles to find the true God. I’m still searching. I don’t believe in the Christian God, but I do believe in the teachings of Jesus and God.

    I have a favor to ask of you and your readers/friends and yourself.
    I’ve recently been released from prison. I was wrongly convicted of raping my wife. But that’s not why I’m writing you. But it does tie in with my friend John Burns who is serving life for a stitched up rape charge by the police (I now have proof of it all). John has raped in the past and each time the guilt drove him to turn himself in. He’s now in his 60s and a younger man with the other two rapes.

    He has been trying to study the Bible, but chooses to do it on his own terms. He’s not unlike you in that he was sexually abused by both parents, and then in and out of trouble, foster homes etc. I’m sure you know the routine.

    The problem with studying the Bible in prison is that the prison system’s idea of chaplains are people who just want to hold a service with all the guitar music and other things that sound good to the prison service and the social workers – no real understanding of God or how salvation is possible.

    John was told unless he attended regular services in the prison he wasn’t going to be allowed to study the Bible. They said he was only using the Bible study as a means to meeting vulnerable women in churches. Unless I can clear his name he will die in prison, or get out when he’s in his 90s. How they came up with that thinking is beyond me. It’s all really just control.

    While I was in prison a man killed himself because the prison illegally prevented him from seeing or contacting his own children. No court order, no crimes against his or any other children.

    They tried it with me, (again no convictions with my children or others) but being educated I got out the law books and the European Human Rights Act and found out they couldn’t do it without a court order. Once I threatened to take them to court they backed down.

    John has several time been placed on suicide watch because it all eventually caves in on him. Now I’m writing to you and others to please help John. How? Write him, send him encouragement. Let him know you are thinking of him praying for him.

    If you write there are two ways to do so 1) Good old mail. If you do it this way and wish a response (I assure you John will respond he loves to talk to others, but please do not placate him or talk down to him in anyway. He’s very educated with honor degrees). And if you want a response send him a SASE – do not send John money! This isn’t about financial support. He has money. Then why send a SASE? He’s also not Donald Trump.

    2) You can email him, but he cannot respond back via email – http://www.emailaprisoner.com So if you just want to send a word of encouragement this is very inexpensive about 40 cents.

    In either case mention in the correspondence that you know why John is in prison, especially if you are a woman – otherwise the prison PPU (Public Protection Unit – the jokers that break the law about contact with children) will stop your mail, and John will never see it or even know you sent it.

    John is a Scotsman and in a British prison his details are:

    HMP Isle of WIGHT
    PO30 5RS

    If you care to write great if not please include him in your thoughts and prayers.

    Thank you for John and myself.
    Jerry Wennerstrom

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